


Cold

by CreepyLittleLullaby



Series: Langst (Voltron Legendary Defender) [15]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Depression, Homesick Lance (Voltron), Insecure Lance (Voltron), Intrusive Thoughts, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Whump, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance (Voltron)-centric, Langst, Mental Health Issues, References to Depression, undiagnosed depression
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-08
Updated: 2017-12-08
Packaged: 2019-02-12 01:05:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,216
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12947991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreepyLittleLullaby/pseuds/CreepyLittleLullaby
Summary: Lance is cold.And aloneHe hates them both.But, he can't say that he doesn't understand why.Prompt from promptsforvoltron on tumblr!My tumblr: iamtheyaoiqueen





	Cold

            The walls of the castle were so cold, and bleak. And dead. It invaded his very core and sunk deep into his bones like a chilling plague. Liquid ice in his bone marrow and bloodstream. It caused a hollow and empty feeling in his chest that was suffocating. Like there were splinters of bone and ice crowding his lungs and making it hard to breathe.

            His feet were almost completely numb as he sluggishly dragged his feet to the main common area and collapsed against the couch. His eyes barely looking up to recognize there were other people in the room. Hunk’s back was to him, hunched over something. Pidge was on the couch at his other side, typing away at their computer. Keith was lodging and messing with his knife as Shiro sat beside him going through more battle plans. The Alteans were absorbed in their own conversations.

            Another bitter chill hit him like a riptide and he could help but quietly whimper.

            _“I want a hug.”_

            Lance stared, at first surprised that the words had passed his mouth. He hadn’t meant to say it out loud. He sometimes forgot thinking aloud wouldn’t be swallowed by the noise of his siblings in his happily crowded house. Even the quietest words in the castle echoed endlessly. But, a small little ball of light lit up in Lance’s chest. Giving him a small bit of relief from the cold.

            But Hunk’s back didn’t even flinch. It was as if Hunk didn’t even hear him. Lance internally winced, he annoyed Hunk for physical attention all the time. Lance being a naturally clingy person with a need for physical reassurance, it was stupid. Really. It was pathetic for a ‘defender of the universe’ to still need some support. Lance didn’t blame Hunk for being fed up with it. Hunk was too nice to outwardly reject Lance. He probably pretended he couldn’t hear Lance to spare his feelings. It was a nice thought.

            It didn’t ease the sickening turn and bite in his stomach.

            Pidge simply scoffed and rolled their eyes at Lance, before typing as if he hadn’t said anything at all. Lance ignored how it felt like someone had taken a thick fireman’s boot and stomped on that small ball in his chest. Leaving it a fizzling and sputtering spark. But, that was just Pidge, they were so busy trying to find their family and help the team. They didn’t have time to deal with a homesick boy from Cuba that’s just freakishly cold and heavy for no reason at all.

            Keith absently minded cleaned his knife still, “If you’re such a ladies’ man and so great why don’t you just hug yourself. You’re always bragging there isn’t anything you can’t do.” Shiro didn’t even respond to either comment, still scrolling through the battleplans. He only even batted an eye once Keith spoke, but then figured it was just their usual bickering and went back to his tablet. As if what Lance said didn’t matter.

            _Because it didn’t… did it?_

Lance laughs, it’s cold and empty. Just like his chest as he shifts to lay on his back. “Yeah, you’re probably right.” He wasn’t worth the time or effort. He was just pathetic. So, quietly once they stopped paying attention, it only took a minute anyway. Lance slipped off the couch and past the still conversing Alteans and snuck off to the room to huddle in his blankets. And even bundled in four different comforters the cold still sunk its teeth into him like a rabid dog.

            He wanted to sleep and not wake up.

\---

            The universe loved to kick him when he was down however as he jolted awake, a loud scream scrapping his throat raw as he thrashed. Kicking the blankets off of him as they tried to strangle and trap him. No. NoNONONO. It was so cold. It was so so so cold. All he could feel was the castle’s walls cramping him down. Trapping him as the airlock threatened to open and throw him into the empty vacuum of space. Where it was really and truly cold. Lance choked on a sob, his chest burned and his limbs felt like pricks and needles.

            Hunk, he needed Hunk to calm him down.

            But, Hunk… he was sick of Lance. He was probably so fed up with Lance constantly waking him up with stupid nightmares and having to hold Lance until he wasn’t so hysterical anymore. But, then who he go to?

            Pidge would be awake at this hour, but, they didn’t like him. They didn’t like him at all. It wasn’t like they hid their dislike either. Bugging Pidge would just worsen his relationships with the other paladins. They already hated him enough. If he bugged the one person that was practically invaluable on their team they’d all hate him so much more. Bugging Pidge was a no-no.

            Shiro? He was still awake at this time. Patrolling. Nightmares kept Shiro awake too. But… Shiro’s fears were valid. Shiro had PTSD. Lance was just a stupid, scared kid with a hollow feeling eating away at his chest. That was nothing compared to what Shiro faced on a daily basis. Why would Shiro care about Lance’s stupid little problem anyway? It wasn’t worth it.

            What if he went to Keith? Keith… was strong. Helpful. He couldn’t wake Keith up because he was scared. It was pathetic. What would that do to their rivalry if Keith found out just how weak Lance was? Lance would lose the last thing he could cling to. He’d have nothing. Lance wasn’t helpful. But he was Keith’s rival. The second best. The fill-in. It was… something. No matter how much it turned his stomach.

            _‘why don’t you just hug yourself?_

_‘there isn’t anything you can’t do.’_

That was a lie, there was so much Lance could not do. There was so much that Lance was too weak to face. But, that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try. Lance brings his legs up to his chest, cradling his body against himself. Hugging at least his legs. It wasn’t a warm hug.

Lance missed the feeling of warm arms always wrapped around him. Supporting him. The sound of laughter and warm dinners. Hot chocolate and pressing kisses into the warm hair of his baby nieces and nephews. Being enveloped by the strong, if a little short arms of his mother. The feeling of being warm inside and out.

He puffed out a sigh, it almost came out as a cloud of white. It was just like when he was getting bullied at the Garrison. Or when he would get separated on a mission. He’d just have to fight and do his best alone. All he had left was himself. All he could rely was himself. He was… alone.

God, how he hated being alone.

Being alone meant he wasn’t with his siblings. It meant he was cold. It meant that dark cloud that hung over him like a vice had no limits. Had nothing to stop it from swallowing him whole and make him swallow something else. It meant no one would hold him and tell him it would be alright. It meant that he was completely and utterly alone.

And it was so cold.


End file.
